Carter

He undoubtably has a rough, but likeable personality and a wide, modest infectious smile. Tattoos coat most of his skin, all in dark ink that appears almost blue. I wondered the possible significance of the devil with the long snake tongue on his arm, the pin-up girls with buff muscles, and the giant S inside the shape of a diamond stone clearly meant to represent superman across his chest. But this man wasn’t a superman, was he?

These days, his life is spinning on a stagnant replay. He wakes up in the morning, stays home in a small  government-funded apartment because he has discovered first hand that finding a job with a criminal record is next to impossible. He smokes weed, and sits outside on his front porch watching the hours creep by. Later in the afternoon, he takes the infamous “walk of shame” to the circle k and gets a forty of Cobra, or OE. Then another, and another till the day is spent. He wants something more out of life. He tells me, “Listen, I smoke weed, I do. I drink, too much, I really do. And man, this ain’t life. I do this because it gets me past life, and my mistakes. “

I asked him what were his mistakes. He said getting in with the wrong crowd. The reason for his association I didn’t expect to understand, but I did. He explained it in a unique way, Religion is something you have to put faith in, you don’t see god, you just have to have faith he exists. Being in a gang, you don’t need any faith. The money, the girls, the cars, the dope, everything, the drink, the smiles and having fun, the parties are all there in front of your face.” Thats why I went the way I went, I wanted it and I strived for it tough.” And on the same token, he talks about how nobody gets that life forever. You get smoked, you get a good run. But the life style kills you, he used the example of Al Capon. I asked him if he thought at the time he was messing up. He told me, there was nothing to think about. He explained, ”I only thought about what was there, what was right in front of my face. I never had a law, there was no law.” I then asked the question again, And he then said, when he ran away from his mom’s house, then his friends, and his grandpop’s and he knew he was working people who loved him unconditionally, he was doing something wrong.

His wife works as a receptionist and they have 3 boys, Isaiah, Issac, and their newborn Roman. I was shocked when he informed me that him and Michelle, his wife, had met when she was only 12, and him 14. He talked about how she changed his life. He said, “She took me up outta that bullshit. I wouldn’t be here without her, I’d be dead, for real, for real. If I didn’t kill myself, I would have killed someone else, and we’d of killed each other.” He talked about the love he has for his kids and wife, and how he’s living his life for them. But then I thought of what he’s doing with his life, sitting day after day on the front porch with a blunt and 40 oz. in hand, and how could that be possibly be helping his kids? or wife?

At the end of the interview, I ask if he could take back, or change one thing what would it be? His answer annoyed me. He said he would change marrying his wife, Michelle. Carter had just spent the last hour telling me how much he loved his wife and kids unconditionally and how he wouldn’t be alive if not for her, and then takes it all back by saying he regrets marrying her? I wonder why? Is it because him being married holds him back from getting a hotter chick? Someone with more income? Whatever the reason, he contradicted himself entirety.

In all honesty, I came out of this interview utterly confused, and wondering if he was just saying what he knew he should say. I gathered that he’s a man who wants to do good, and wants better himself but his past habits and decisions are hard to break apart from. He knows what is right, and what he should be doing but lacks the motivation, and enough determination to succeed and truly change.

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